Q: I have been unhappy lately and I feel like I need a new start in my life. How can I find ways to make changes and start over in a later phase of life?
A: It is one thing to get a fresh start by moving or changing careers, but another to find a fresh start while still in our day-to-day life. While it can be challenging it can also be fun, brave and life affirming.
Whenever I am having computer troubles the first thing any tech support person will tell me is to restart the computer and see if that fixes the problem. Often, I have been trying everything I can think of and feel annoyed at this simple suggestion. Mostly annoyed with myself for not trying it first before even asking for help. There is something magical about that computer restart and most of the time it does fix the issue I was having.
Sometimes in life we need to find a way to restart ourselves, even when it does not feel like the obvious choice. That does not mean throwing away everything in our current life, but rather finding a way to see our next phase as a blank slate that we can shape how we like.
It is easy to get set in our ways and tell ourselves we cannot do something or try something new. Often, we become our own barriers to change. Instead of coming from a place of no, start by allowing yourself to come from a place of yes.
Try using the technique of visualization to help plan your next phase of life. This is a simple technique where you imagine yourself in a new situation. It can help you decide what you want to see in your future and then operationalize how to get there.
Ask yourself what you hope to get out of the next five years. Did you always have a picture in your mind of what your life would look like? Are there things you have not done or accomplished that are on your wish list?
Start by allowing yourself to think big and visualize everything you can imagine for yourself. Write them down on paper. Then you can write down small steps to achieve your goals and make these realistic. It may be helpful to find a friend or work with a therapist to talk this through.
For example, if you always imagined traveling the world but now do not have the money for such a big trip, think about smaller ways to achieve the goal of travel. This may mean planning smaller trips and destinations you can drive to. You can also explore areas within our own cities that offer new experience such as China town, Koreatown, Little Ethiopia, or others. The main goal of exploring and seeing new things can still be achieved.
Perhaps you imagined being active and busy with your social life, but are currently lacking in this area. Look at local active adult centers for activities and ways to grow your social network. This may feel uncomfortable and outside of your comfort zone. Growth is a process of change, and this implies some discomfort in the process. Keep visualizing your goals and it will help you tolerate the process of getting there.
The key is that you recognize that you are currently not happy with how your day-to-day life is. It is worth making changes to increase your life satisfaction and to increase your daily joy.
We all deserve to find what makes us happy and to curate that area of life. The hard part sometimes is knowing what that looks like. Allow yourself time to visualize, to dream and to find what makes you happy.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
