Recently, I participated in a support group and I was reminded about the importance of creating connections. In my career working with older adults and family caregivers I have often commented that my goal is to create community.
Creating community, to me, means that people start to see they are not alone, and that they are part of a larger group of people with similarities. Often when we are struggling in our lives it is easy to start to feel that our issues are different than everyone else’s. Yet, it is this exact feeling that can cause our sadness and isolation to feel larger than it is.
In a caregiver support group, people get together to share and support each other. They are not solving each other’s problems. While they may be able to offer specific advice or tips to each other, the goal is not to “fix” a person’s problems, as that is unrealistic. Instead, the goal is to allow the caregivers an opportunity to express themselves in a safe space, to not feel judged, and to see the similarities between each other.
Each person’s individual experience is different and deserves to be honored. However, the themes are usually overlapping and quickly people in the room are actively nodding their heads and agreeing with each other’s struggles.
Being in a room of people who share some similar struggles is incredibly affirming. It can increase our self-esteem and confidence. Sharing your struggles with other people can make us feel vulnerable. However, when it is received with compassion and even affirmations that others have felt the same, it can really change how we feel about ourselves.
Support groups are a wonderful way to make connections with people who are going through something similar. However, even outside of a support group, you can find people who share similar experiences and make one-on-one connections. You can find activities or clubs with similar interests such as a book club or a service group.
The key is to be willing to be vulnerable and honest with someone. As an adult it can feel difficult to make new friends and connections. Remind yourself that almost everyone feels that way. Be a connection starter and ask a new person to exchange numbers and get together to chat. Chances are that the person will be appreciative of you for taking that step.
Social isolation, as well as poor social relationships, have been linked to increased risk for many different physical chronic conditions. We need to start valuing social connectedness as an important part of caring for ourselves both physically and mentally.
There are even ways to create connections from home if getting out in person is challenging. Zoom support groups, phone calls with friends, and phone check-in programs are all ways you can connect with others from home.
The Camarillo Healthcare District provides a phone reassurance program called Senior Support Line. It is a toll-free telephone number for residents age 60 and older that provides compassionate, confidential conversation and emotional support over the telephone. The Senior Support Line is available weekdays, and you can reach them at 1-800-235-9980.
If you are lacking in social connections, make this your reminder to reach out and create connections. We all crave connections so by reaching out you are not only helping yourself, but helping someone else, as well.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
