A: I have often heard caregivers tell me that they will just “know” when it is time to place their loved one. Most of the time they tell me this because they are confident that it is not yet that time.
The truth is that I am not sure anyone automatically knows when and if it is the right time. Unless there is a medical emergency causing a need for skilled care, it is often a difficult decision that is up to the family.
About 80 percent of all people with dementia are cared for at home by their loved ones. It is estimated that 35 percent of those caregivers are over the age of 65 themselves. Caring for someone with dementia is usually a long-term situation. Over half of these caregivers provide care for four years or more.
The demand of caregiving can take its toll on the caregiver. It can increase their own risk for chronic health conditions, increase their risk for depression and anxiety, and affect them physically, emotionally and financially.
It is possible to continue to care for a loved one with dementia at home through the end of their life, with the right support in place. However, there are several factors that may cause someone to consider placing their loved one to live in a facility with care.
Consider the health and safety of both your loved one and yourself. If they fall a lot at home or require more hands-on physical care than you can provide, you will need to consider either a facility or hiring care in the home.
People with dementia can sometimes develop difficult behaviors that may make staying at home a challenge. This may include wandering, aggression or dangerous behavior that could cause them or you injury.
One of the main reasons people often want to keep their loved one at home is that the home environment provides them comfort and familiarity. If you find this is no longer the case, the person no longer understands where things are or feels safe at home, then the transition to a facility may be appropriate.
I suggest understanding what both home care and facility care can provide for you and your loved one, and what the costs are. Even if you are not ready or in need of additional care now, it is best to do your research before there is an immediate need or crisis.
Often people will feel some guilt at the idea of placement. This is normal but does not mean it is not the best decision at the time. There can be many positives to placement. Sometimes spouses will share with me that they feel they enjoy their visits because they get to spend time together without the tasks and care needs getting in the way. They used to have to tell their loved one what to do and, in turn, their spouse would get angry with them. They were able to enjoy their relationship again when the care needs were taken on by someone else.
There are pros and cons to every decision about future care. Keep an open mind and know that you will always make the best decision you can out of the love and care you feel for your wife. No decision is forever either. Facilities are usually on month-to-month leases. You can always move them to another place or bring them home again, if needed.
Consider reaching out to Senior Concerns or finding the Caregiver Resource Center near you by calling the Ventura County Area Agency on Aging at 805-477-7300. Talking through your care needs and options with a professional can really help guide you and empower you to make the best decisions for your loved one.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
