A: The concept of core memories was brought to mainstream in the Pixar movie Inside Out. It shows the story of a pre-teen and how her emotions grow with her experiences. The movie highlights five “core memories,” which are memories from her life that have had the most affect on her as a person.
The term “core memories” is now referred to often. I recently took a family vacation, and we kept commenting on how we were creating core memories by having these experiences together. However, it is not possible to know in the moment if we will look back in the future on the memories in the same way.
Memories are really fascinating. Have you ever shared a story with a family member from your childhood and you both remember the same situation in a different way? You can be sure you remember exactly what happened and yet the other person has a different account. How do you know who is correct?
The truth is that in some ways you both are. Memories are not just about what happens, but how we interpret them and how they affect us and impact our identities. I have written before about how we can use the act of reminiscing to retell our life stories in a way that can help us grow contentment. We can re-frame our memories in a positive way and even see the negative ones as a steppingstone on our life’s path that hold meaning in who we are today.
We are never too old, and it is never too late in life to create new “core” or important memories for ourselves. While we cannot truly predict which memories will take hold as core memories, we can take steps to be intentional about them.
You can really be in the moment and tell yourself how special it is. Tell those around you how much it means to you and think back on it even after it is over.
You can also associate a song with the moment to use as a retrieval cue. Retrieval cues are tools used to help us remember something. It could be a song, a food, or even a smell. By associating a specific song with the memory, it will help you re-experience the feelings of the moment by listening to the song while enjoying the memory.
I was watching a TV show recently where the grandfather in the show wanted to create core memories for his grandkids of their time with him. He was trying to impart advice and make moments together that his grandchildren would look back on after he was gone.
It was such a sweet concept, but the funny part of the show was that he was trying to force the moment, and that usually does not end well. Most of us want to create special memories with the ones we love in an attempt to build our legacy. While we cannot be sure which memories will take hold of that special place, we can try to be thoughtful about them.
We can ask our loved ones to spend time with us, to reminisce with us, maybe even pass down recipes or family history that you want them to remember.
In the end, we cannot predict or ensure which memories will last. What we can do is be intentional with how we spend our time, make sure we say and do the things that are meaningful to us, and remember it is never too late to create beautiful experiences that can turn to memories.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org
