Q: I often find myself worrying about things I cannot control. How can I stop myself from worrying all the time?
A: Worrying and anxiety can be a normal part of our lives. In fact, some worrying helps ensure we get things done. We worry about bills being paid, or about traffic, and that anxiety causes us to take steps to ensure we are planning ahead.
But worries can become a problem when they are persistent and constant. When our normal methods for addressing them and easing these feelings are no longer working for us.
I can relate to this because I sometimes find myself catastrophizing, meaning I immediately think about the worst possible thing that can happen in a situation. I saw a television show once that featured a couple who would tell each other their worst case scenarios when they were worrying. They would say these fears out loud and it would take away the power of the fear.
I find this is a helpful tool. I will often share my deepest concerns with a friend. This can sometimes feel silly because my worst case scenario is often improbable. However, telling someone else allows me to hear it and talk it through, and that lessens the worry.
If you do not directly address your constant worrying it will affect your physical health. You may already get a yucky feeling in your stomach that comes with anxiety, or find you have frequent headaches, fatigue or trouble sleeping.
It is not enough to tell yourself to stop worrying. Friends may say this to you, but it is not a productive method, as it usually ends up putting more attention on our worries. However, you can try and provide yourself intentional space and time to worry, in an attempt to control it so it does not take over your full day.
Carve out some time each day to dive into your worrying thoughts. Consider using a journal and writing all your concerns down. Then, each day you can go back and review your journal and add or make changes. See if you can challenge any of your negative thoughts.
Ask yourself if your worry is likely to happen, or unlikely. Often it is the latter, and we can help ourselves write down the other possible outcomes. Consider if a friend shared the same worry with you, what would you tell them? By questioning and analyzing fears we can often take away the power they have over us and our emotions.
Consider if the worry is something you can control. For example, if you worry that you will get in a car accident, think this through. You cannot control the way other people drive, and accidents can happen no matter how careful you are. But you can control how you drive, so you may want to consider getting a safer car, taking a driving class, or driving at times of day with less traffic.
As you analyze your worries during your designated “worrying” time of day, separate out the parts you can control and take steps towards reducing them. Then take the parts you cannot control and understand they will be there whether you worry about them or not.
When your worrying interrupts your day outside of your designated time, do something to interrupt these thoughts. Take a walk, call a friend, read a book, do something to distract you and focus your attention elsewhere.
Worrying is a natural part of life, but we can take steps to manage it and not let it control our day. Now that you have identified this is a problem for you and your quality of life, you can do something to work on it. We all deserve to find the best way to live our lives day to day with less stress and more of what makes us happy.
Martha Shapiro can be reached at Senior Concerns at 805-497-0189 or by email at mshapiro@seniorconcerns.org.
