By Alicia Doyle, Ventura County Star An aging-care specialist with a master’s degree in counseling, Annette Broersma thinks acceptance of the reality of death helps people live more freely. “Not talking about the ‘D word’ is ignoring the elephant in the room,” said Broersma, the community relations director at The Reserve at Thousand Oaks, where she works daily with seniors and their families. “We all, at any age, may find ourselves dealing with life-and-death issues with our loved ones.” Broersma will discuss how to talk to family members about end-of-life issues Tuesday at the Goebel Senior Adult Center in Thousand Oaks. “Just coming to this lively seminar may give you the confidence to start a conversation that will make it all easier for your family someday — hopefully, in the very distant future,” Broersma said. Designed for adults of all ages, the seminar will explore ways to start conversations with parents on topics including who will speak for them when they can’t, where will they physically go when they’re gone and how they want to be remembered. Other topics include parent-child relationship adjustments and acceptance of parents’ medical and financial wishes. “Adult children of all ages should know the answers to these issues for their parents,” Broersma said. “Ultimately, the responsibility will fall upon them whenever the end comes. … Discussing it does not need to be uncomfortable or morbid. However, starting these conversations can be very freeing because the adult child no longer has to guess at their parents’ wishes.” Brenda Birdwell, senior advocate at Senior Concerns, said: “We all want to live to a long age and go peacefully in our sleep, but accidents happen, and people become ill unexpectedly. Anyone over 18 should complete advanced health care directives or the equivalent so that their wishes can be carried out if they are not able to speak for themselves.” The biggest misunderstanding about end-of-life wishes is that the family or friends will automatically know what their loved ones’ wishes are, Birdwell added. “The reality is that unless you talk with someone about how they feel, you likely do not know and may get it wrong,” she said. “There are cultural, spiritual and religious considerations that come into play, as well as personal choice.” Starting the conversation is very important, however, families have trouble with this type of dialogue because it has not been common practice to date, said Andrea Gallagher, president of Senior Concerns. “In today’s society, more people are living longer with chronic conditions, which adds complexity to an individual’s health situation. Now more than ever, there are a growing set of practices and interventions to sustain life,” Gallagher said. “Because of these two trends, it has become critically important to have the dialogue so that family members become aware of the choices they may need to make and voice their wishes so they can be honored.” More …
