A friend stopped by over the holidays to say hello.
I knew her from work activities, and we became friends, grabbing lunch occasionally and sharing anecdotes about our lives. She was a highly skilled individual, educated, and successful. I enjoy my time with her because our conversations are stimulating.
My friend has been retired for over a year now after planning and announcing her decision a full year in advance.
We began to talk about her old work life, and she recounted something that recently happened that upset her.
She ran into an old work acquaintance, a gentleman, who asked her (referring to her retirement), “What do you do?”
His question so took her aback, she took a few beats to answer and finally said, “Anything I want.”
I asked what upset her about her workmate’s question, and she explained that to her the question assumed she did nothing, sat idle, and was useless. As a woman who held a vital job pre-retirement, that picture of her did not jive with her experience now.
She explained that while she no longer held her paid job, many of her other pre-retirement activities remained – running the household, spending quality time with her grandchildren, pursuing her hobbies, volunteering, and managing her own medical issues.
She noted that not having a paid job did not replace all the other activities that make up her week, but it did give her some time to stop and smell the roses. She can now linger over her coffee and newspaper in the morning, take an impromptu trip to see one of her children, and spend time renovating her home.
She is far from idle but now has time to spend on things that she really enjoys doing.
I think her male workmate’s comment had more to do with his perspective (and maybe fear) of retirement. He is a gentleman with an important role in the company, a role that holds recognition and power.
He is much younger than her and likely has not given any thought to his own retirement or what he would want for himself at that stage of life. He may believe that his job defines him, and he may be unable to determine who he would be without it.
I imagine my friend has been able to construct her retirement into something that she can embrace because she had a full year to think about what she really wanted in her next stage of life. She had months of people paying her compliments by saying, “What are we going to do without you?” and she had closure at the end of her career with a proper goodbye from her workmates.
Many older adults these days are not as fortunate as my friend. They are laid off from a job and spend a year, maybe two, searching for the next role that never comes. They have one foot in their work-life role and another foot in their pre-retirement role, but it’s hard to think about retirement when you are at that stage.
When retirement becomes the decision because there is no job on the horizon, it seems like a default rather than a real choice to be embraced and celebrated.
I appreciate my friend sharing her thoughts with me because it helps me to send a message that it’s important to withhold judgment when we ask others what they do in retirement.
People enter retirement with different interests and circumstances. Some people may choose to travel, volunteer, take up hobbies, or even start new businesses.
Judging people’s choices may inadvertently imply that some activities are more “worthy” or “valuable” than others. It’s important to recognize that each person’s retirement is shaped by their unique preferences and experiences.
Over 3.2 million baby boomers retire each year. Approaching conversations about retirement with an open mind can create a setting where people feel free to share their experiences without the pressure of society’s expectations.
